Search "birth plan" and you'll find a mountain of content aimed squarely at mums. Breathing techniques, pain relief options, what music to play. All written as if the birth partner is just going to show up on the day and wing it.
That's a problem. Because on the day your baby is born, you are the one who needs to stay calm, communicate with the midwives, and advocate for your partner when she's in too much pain to advocate for herself. You can't do that if you've never read the birth plan.
This guide is written for dads - and birth partners generally. Here's what a birth plan actually is, why it matters to you personally, and what your job is when things start moving.
What a Birth Plan Actually Is (and Why Dads Need to Read It)
A birth plan - sometimes called a birth preferences document - is a short written record of how your partner would ideally like the labour and birth to go. It covers things like pain relief preferences, delivery positions, who's in the room, and what happens in the first moments after birth.
The NHS encourages you to bring a birth plan to hospital. Midwives will read it at the start of your shift, and it helps everyone start from the same page without your partner having to explain her wishes between contractions.
But here's the thing most guides don't say clearly enough: the birth plan is as much for you as it is for the midwife.
During labour, your partner will be working incredibly hard. There will be moments when she cannot speak, cannot think clearly, or simply doesn't want to be interrupted to answer a question about whether she wants continuous foetal monitoring. That falls to you. If you haven't read the plan - and discussed it with her beforehand - you're going to be guessing.
"You're not just a support act. You're her voice when she doesn't have one."
Read more about what the role actually looks like in practice: What Does a Birth Partner Actually Do?
Key Decisions to Discuss with Your Partner Beforehand
The best birth plans come from actual conversations, not a form filled in alone at 34 weeks. Sit down together and go through these areas. You don't need to have a firm answer for everything - but you both need to know what direction she's leaning.
Pain Relief
- Gas and air (Entonox): Available in most birth settings. Your partner breathes it herself, so your job here is mainly encouragement and timing.
- Pethidine or diamorphine: Injected pain relief. Can make her drowsy. Ask whether she's open to this or would rather avoid it.
- Epidural: Very effective, but means she'll be in bed and monitored continuously. Discuss whether this is her preference or a last resort.
- Water birth: Warm water can help with pain. Is this something she wants to try? Is it available at your hospital or birth centre?
- TENS machine: Something you can bring from home. Useful in early labour. Know how to set it up before you go.
Delivery Preferences
- Does she want to be able to move around freely, or is she happy to be in bed?
- Are there positions she wants to try (upright, on all fours, in water)?
- Does she want a mirror to see the birth?
- Who does she want in the room - just you, or also her mum, a doula?
- Would she like music? Dimmed lights? A particular atmosphere?
Baby's First Moments
- Skin-to-skin: Does she want immediate skin-to-skin contact after birth? (This is strongly recommended by the NHS and most midwives.)
- Cord cutting: Do you want to cut the cord? Many dads do. Some don't. Neither is wrong.
- Delayed cord clamping: Waiting a few minutes before cutting the cord can benefit the baby's iron levels. Ask your midwife about this.
- Feeding: Does she plan to breastfeed? Does she want support with this straight away, or does she want a moment first?
- Vitamin K: Recommended for all newborns. It can be given as an injection or oral drops. Worth knowing her preference.
Emergencies and Interventions
- If a C-section becomes necessary, does she want you in the room? (Almost always yes - but worth confirming for planned and emergency scenarios.)
- If forceps or ventouse are needed, how does she feel about that?
- If the baby needs to go to the neonatal unit, who goes with the baby - you or does she want you to stay?
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Get The New Dad Playbook - £27.99Your Role During Labour
This is where a lot of dads freeze. Not because they don't care - but because they don't know what they're supposed to be doing. The honest answer: your role shifts depending on the stage of labour.
For a detailed breakdown of what this looks like hour by hour, read: Your Role During Labour: A Dad's Guide
Early Labour
Things are getting going but there's still time. Keep her company. Help her stay calm. Time the contractions (there are free apps for this). Remind her to eat and drink - she'll need energy later. Don't fuss too much. Distraction often helps at this stage.
Active Labour
This is when it gets intense. Contractions are longer, stronger, closer together. Your job now is to be steady. Physical support - a hand to hold, a back to lean on, a firm counter-pressure on her lower back during contractions - matters a lot. Keep communicating with the midwife. Relay information between them if needed.
Transition and Pushing
Transition is often the hardest part - intense, emotional, sometimes disorienting for both of you. She may say things she doesn't mean. Stay close. Breathe with her if that helps. Keep eye contact. Encouragement here isn't cheerleading; it's quiet, steady presence.
After the Birth
The baby is here. This is a huge moment - and it can feel overwhelming. Let the midwives do their checks. Stay close to your partner. If there's a concern with the baby and they need to take them to a resuscitaire across the room, you can follow if the midwife says it's OK - but check first. Your partner needs someone too.
When Things Don't Go to Plan
Here's the part they don't put on the NCT poster: birth plans go out the window all the time. Labour is unpredictable. What your partner wants at 3pm might be completely different at 3am when she's exhausted and in more pain than she expected.
That's not failure. That's birth.
Your job when plans change is not to defend the birth plan. It's to help her make the best decision with the information available at that moment. When a midwife or doctor recommends something that wasn't in the plan - an epidural she said she'd avoid, an emergency C-section, continuous monitoring - your job is to:
- Ask the midwife or doctor to explain what's happening and why they're recommending it
- Give your partner a moment to process (even 30 seconds helps)
- Check in with her - "Is that OK with you? Do you want me to ask anything else?"
- Support whatever she decides
Don't try to stick rigidly to the plan if circumstances have changed. The plan was written before anyone knew how this particular labour would go. Trust the medical team, trust your partner, and stay calm.
Also: things might not go to plan in a scarier direction. If there's a genuine emergency - sudden changes in the baby's heartrate, a cord prolapse, a severe bleed - the room will change atmosphere very quickly. Medical staff will move fast and may not have time to explain. Your job in that moment is to stay out of the way, stay with your partner, hold her hand, and let the team do their job. They've trained for this. You haven't. Trust them.
A Simple Birth Preferences Template
Here's a stripped-back template you can adapt. Keep it to one page - midwives are busy, and long documents don't get read in full during an active labour.
Our Birth Preferences - [Partner's Name] and [Your Name]
Pain Relief
- We'd like to try: [gas and air / water / TENS machine / movement]
- We're open to an epidural if: [things become unmanageable / she asks for one]
- We'd prefer to avoid: [pethidine / epidural unless necessary]
Delivery Preferences
- She'd like to stay mobile and upright as long as possible
- We'd like the room to be [quiet / calm / with music - playlist on phone]
- Birth partner: [Your Name] will be present throughout
- [Other people in the room, if any]
Baby's First Moments
- We'd like immediate skin-to-skin contact if possible
- Please delay cord clamping for at least 1 minute if safe to do so
- [Dad's name] would like to cut the cord [yes/no/maybe]
- We plan to breastfeed and would welcome support
- Vitamin K: [injection / oral drops] please
If Things Change
- Please explain any interventions before proceeding if there is time
- In an emergency, please prioritise [partner's name]'s safety
- If a C-section is needed, [your name] would like to be present
- If the baby needs additional care, [your name] will accompany them
Don't forget the practical side of the day too - you'll want to know what to bring. Check the Hospital Bag Checklist for Dads so you're not packing the wrong things the night before.
The Most Important Thing
You're going to feel a lot of things on the day your baby is born. Excitement. Fear. Helplessness. Pride. Possibly a bit of nausea from the heat of the delivery room.
The birth plan gives you something concrete to hold onto. It's a reference point you and your partner built together. But the real thing it does is ensure that you've had the conversations before you need to have them - when it's calm, when you have time, when you can actually think.
Read it. Know it. Be ready to adapt it. That's the job.
Frequently Asked Questions
Do dads need to read the birth plan?
Yes - absolutely. The birth plan is just as much for the birth partner as it is for the midwife. Your job is to advocate for your partner when she can't speak for herself. You can't do that if you don't know what she wants.
What should a birth plan include for dads?
A birth plan should cover: pain relief preferences (gas and air, epidural, water birth), delivery preferences (positions, who cuts the cord), baby's first moments (skin-to-skin, delayed cord clamping, feeding plans), and emergency procedures - what to do if a C-section becomes necessary.
What happens if the birth plan doesn't go to plan?
Things change fast during labour. Your role is to stay calm, ask the midwife or doctor to explain any changes, check in with your partner about what she wants, and support whatever decision needs to be made. A birth plan is a guide, not a contract.
Can dads be in the room for a C-section?
In most NHS hospitals, yes - dads can be present for a planned (elective) C-section and usually for emergency C-sections too, though this varies. In very urgent situations, you may be asked to wait outside briefly. Always ask the midwife or surgeon on the day.
How long before the due date should we write the birth plan?
Most couples write their birth plan between 32 and 36 weeks of pregnancy. This gives enough time to discuss it with the midwife at antenatal appointments but isn't so early that circumstances change significantly before the birth.